Testing... 1, 2, 3.....

Karma and her friends

So for the last few days I have been struggling with a few concerns. I have a lot  of questions and I need answers but I will not be able to get those answers until late tonight and maybe not even till tomorrow. The anxiety that comes with those questions and not getting answers when I want them was really getting to me yesterday. I tried to not think about it, but the questions kept coming. I know after a few days it will eventually forget the stupid questions so when I move to ask them... I have no idea what I wanted to say. So I started writing and found that I had one main question I needed answered. Now I'm just waiting to ask. So anyway, last night as I was trying desperately to suppress the twisting and churning in my stomach and chest I stared at the bright beautiful moon and begged for help, asking the various Goddess's for their aid and a piece of their strength, wisdom, and help guiding me in my actions. So I walked the puppy and headed up to bed thinking I wasn't going to get any sleep. I kept prayers in my head pleading for help and drifted off with the puppy curled up under the covers with me. And the comfort that only a pet offers to its person really helped with the calm. My cats are normally the ones to comfort me, however they hate the puppy and wont come near me when he is around ( I can't blame them he was to play with them like he does big dumb dog and it's not fun kitty play, lol). So then I got woken up to the puppy heaving so I pushed him off the bed so he wouldn't puke in it and got up to clean up the mess, it wasn't too bad thankfully, we then curled back up and I drifted back off to sleep. So this morning puppy and I wake up and my head once again is full of all those damn questions and the anger and hurt is just bubbling over and I feel like today is going to be a mad day (I really dont like mad days, only evil days) So I am coming down the stairs and puppy is in front of me and these thoughts and what happens...... I fall, yup I have 2 little flts of stairs and as I come around the landing for the 2nd set, on the 2nd stair... I slipped... and fell down the stairs, on my back... made it half way down before I stopped. Now this is not 5 or 6 steps its like 9 or 10. So the wind gets knocked out of me and I slide for a stair or 5. I didn't hurt my back too bad but I have a nice line bruise on my rt. check.... I guess I should get over it and calm down. so I am, (sorta, I'm just gonna not let it overwhelm me and stay calm) I had some oj and caught up on my blog. It's sunday and my mom and dad are leaving to go back home sometime today and I need to have a nice calm day.

Thank you Karma, I guess I needed a swift kick in the ass.....

The last mth... or so.

WOW, has the last month been.... I don't even know, overwhelming, irritating, frustrating, too much anxiety...… very negative I should say. When I got back from my short trip in Feb, my new house that I was in the process of buying was getting closer and closer to being finished. Each week I would visit and see one more thing done. So when it came time to sign the papers, while I was excited... I wasn't nearly as nervous or excited as I thought I would be. I smiled and tried to be excited for everyone that was excited for me... but it, yea not so much. It was just like "ughhh FINALLY, can we just get this done?" Maybe it will kick in in a few more weeks. Work, was well, work. Nothing really exciting. Although we got a new hire and training him has been... interesting. The guy I replaced is finally gone and all the help that came in for their short time is also now gone. So, it is all mine once again. I see myself having to carry this 29 yrs. of experience (new hire) and doing a majority of the work myself. I went back in to take care of a spreadsheet that, when you have sooo much to do can be overwhelming. So I came in off of my leave and took care of it. Of course I got roped into other work and was there probably about an hour longer than I needed to be, oh well. It got done. So I am all moved into my beautiful new house. Still unpacking boxes, but I have only been here for about 2 weeks. My mom and dad came out this week to help me, so i have a hallway and 1/2 bath that are all painted beautifully by my dad and the Girl's bed is almost completely stripped thanks to my mom (it has big pieces, mom actually did A LOT of work) and lets see, the Girl's room is done (except for the bed), ceiling fans are hung in 3 rooms, last night we got the first hanging storage rack up, and.... that's about it i guess. I got a lot of boxes unpacked and I am almost finally caught up on the laundry (I so do not want to see my first bill). The first and second day I was in the house 3 of my 8 surrounding neighbors came over to "welcome" me. It was nice. I almost felt like I was in an old neighborhood I grew up in. Over the next few days I met 2 more (one has a girl the same age as mine! yay! and they have a pool, lol double yay!) So that leaves 3 neighbors, well now 2 cause yesterday I met some of the family that lives rt. next to me. So that is pretty dang awesome. I found out the dad rt. across the street actually works at the same unit I do, that, it pretty dang awesome too. All in all, it was a pretty good week. A lot of frustration to get through it and I think I could totally use another week off, but the dang driving back and forth to take the girl to school and pick her up.... SUUUUUUUCCCKKKSSSSS, lol. I did it to myself but dang... I didn't get to sleep in until Friday. Oh well next week my goal is to have all of the boxes out of the house from upstairs. It is also to run 10 miles by the end of the week. I ran my first 5k back in Feb I did okay for a first timer I think. My time was 32:37. I ran my second 5K last sunday for St Patties day and ran it in 31:34. I have another one scheduled at the beginning of April. Hopefully I will trim another minute off by then. Maybe 2. I was only running twice a week for the last mth or so and it was only 6-8 miles a week. I plotted a nice couple of tracks around my new neighborhood.

So that has been that, for the most part. I finally have internet here so I can actually try to keep this blog this up.